Am I Really Blogging?

Is it a blog if nobody is reading?
No, seriously? I'm asking. I have always kind of liked the idea of having an outlet for my thoughts and observations. But truly speaking I'm not sure that I have a ton of interesting things to say. I may be able to offer the occasional witty comment or point our irony but an entire blog, I'm not sure I'm capable of that. Maybe that's because the blogs I've read have been less personal and more op-ed. I've decided to take the pressure off of myself and think of this as a public journal. If your interested then read, if you are not, don't but I'll be better off for writing it. Something unique happens when you write about what you are thinking, experiencing, feeling. I believe that having the information processed in a different way in your mind allows you to reevaluate your perspective. A fresh perspective- that's what we all need. We'll it's sort of a "semi-fresh" perspective since it's generated from the same old brain. I know that for me anyways it's helpful to, as they say "check (myself) yourself before you wreck yourself" haha yes I did. My hope is that by writing this blog I'll be more accountable to myself. I'd like to get to know myself again and I'm going to read my blog to do it..... did you head explode? lol didn't think so.

Something happens to you when you become a parent, or at least it did to me. I got so stuck on survival that I forgot about living. And well, I formed some habits that aren't great. I spend my free time with an infant that can't have much of a conversation. Our time is great but it's not very challenging or intense. By the time he's at rest I too need a break and usually opt for a little tube. My brain rots a bit (a good rot) and then it's time to change a diaper and feed a fickle infant. After keeping this up for a year I feel officially brain dead- like I'm in a walking coma. I notice that my arguments aren't sharp- my jokes aren't that funny and I'm just not as much fun anymore. It's really weird for me. Even when no one else thinks I'm funny I usually do... Some would accept this fate and dive into a life full of recipes and scrap-booking, but there is something missing for me- ME. Even domesticated to the enth degree this beige life is just not me. The fear that unless I throw myself a rope and soon it'll be too late has set it.

So I've started blogging and making lots of promises to myself.

Change

Here I sit on the possible precipice of change

Fluctuating between fantasies and nightmares

The train is in motion there is no going back

Wouldn't I look like a coward for pulling the break

Nope, I'm doing this- for better or for worse- it'll work out

Most things do

I'll make due if I have to

Never forgetting that it was my plan and to see it fail would be to, well, fail

We can't have that

Even if it takes convincing myself that it's is great I'll make sure that I do

None but me will know that I'm freaking out

The congratulations meet an assured face and a thank you is passed along

I am woman hear me roar -Meow